


all different and all the same

by starryflower



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Mentions of Needles and Blood, Trauma, after s12e10, no dialogue sorry, she is traumatised, she is traumatised and alone save her, trying to be deep over here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:00:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23451340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryflower/pseuds/starryflower
Summary: She is alone in the darkness, a void that consumes and terrifies her, but maybe she should be more scared of what's inside her head.
Kudos: 13





	all different and all the same

There was darkness all around her, it was thick, and it consumed all of her like she was nothing. The one that once made armies turn at the mention of her name was swallowed by darkness so spacious and heavy that it made her feel minute, darkness so empty like a void that consumed everything it could touch.

She was alone, the darkness filling up her senses, she breathed it in and it lingered like a disease, it made her choke as it filled up her lungs, it laughed at her as she gasped for air, it became wider as it blinded her, louder as it echoed in her ears, making everything quiet and so loud. 

Her screams filled up the cell, trying to break the wall of nothingness that was surrounding her. She was gasping, her lungs desperate to be filled with something else than the emptiness that latched on and didn’t want to let go. 

She felt it clutch onto her, grasping everything it could touch. It was cold as ice and it was burning her skin. Were her screams real or just made up by her mind in a vain attempt of staying sane? She cried out and curled up on herself. 

And there she was, a speck of dust in the middle of nothing but darkness. The darkness that was filling up her mind, her senses. She couldn’t breathe, she felt numb and scared. She could see it when she closed her eyes, hear it when she tried not to listen. She could smell it, taste it on her tongue, the bitterness, the thick sour taste that was like acid as she swallowed. 

She could hear the cries, she could see the fires, she could smell the smoke, she could taste the ashes. She could feel the needles, she could feel the blood being drained from her, the monster hidden behind a loving smile. 

She could see the monster taking her tools, convincing her with soft touches, touches that burned her skin, touches that made her hurt. Touches full of fake affection that would grant her whatever she wanted. The poisoned smiles, the words full of venom that was injected into her system for as long as she could remember. 

The darkness swallowed her in its embrace, wrapping her up and not allowing her to get out. Would she even have the energy to do so? She felt so weak, so drained, so negligible. Her mind was empty and yet it was crowded with this parasite as it tried to take over. 

Slipping, she was slipping, choking on the smoke, coughing out grains of ash and destruction. Coughing out blood. Was it her blood? 

Her skin was burning up; her world was spinning. She was cold. Her hearts were beating slowly despite her current state as if they’ve given up on her. 

Hazel eyes slowly fluttered, too heavy to stay open. Darkness. All they could see was darkness. But in those moments when she blinked, she saw it all. The burned orange hills, the manic smile on his face, the shattered ideals. The misplaced loyalty, but that was something she did a lot, even though she had no idea about it. 

Until now. 

She saw the golden child, she saw her burn and rise like a phoenix, she saw her open her eyes for the first time and she saw the darkness, that consumed her immediately after. 

She felt her, the child, screaming in her mind, longing to be let out, knowing she was forgotten. Lost in time, lost in her head. She felt the child’s blood drip down her hand, pearls of red falling on the floor and disappearing in an all-consuming void. 

The child’s screams made their way out through her swollen throat, echoing in the darkness of the cell, coming back to her as if millions of kids cried them. And maybe they did. They all cried in her mind, all different and all the same. 

The first one was born on accident. All the other ones were born out of pain and fear, the last thing they saw was that malicious smile that dripped poison that would soon make them hurt once again, as they felt themselves slip away into the darkness, letting it consume all of their senses, letting it fill up their lungs until they choked. 

They were all different and yet they had the same tears in their eyes as they were fed yet another poisonous touch that would soon lead to their destruction. 

They were all different and yet they all bleed the same, staining the white with rubies, rubies that darkened with time as the only reminder that they once lived. How many of them were there? The child never counted, blissfully accepting the darkness instead of a reality filled with red-stained floors and mothers with scalpels and needles instead of soft touches and comforting hugs. 

She felt the darkness wrap around her once more, trying to overcome her, make her powerless. Trying to make her numb, to make her an empty husk. She looked down at her blood-stained hands and realised that tears were falling down her cheeks. 

Disconnected. She felt disconnected from it, as if it was happening to someone else, like a piece of art that you can’t quite get in. Those tears, they were her own. But they didn’t feel like it. They felt wrong and long overdue, like a memory that she couldn’t quite place. 

She felt hazy, the darkness surrounding her like a heavy mist, seeping in through her pores, clinging to her like it wanted to protect her. She could feel herself slipping, letting the void consume her and the less she was trying to fight it, the calmer she felt. 

Her body felt heavy and light as it fell to the floor, but she didn’t mind the pain, she couldn’t feel it. She no longer choked on ashes, she no longer tasted destruction and death. All that she could hear was an overwhelming silence, all she could see was darkness. The darkness that she embraced like an old friend, that was long forgotten along with the rest of her. 

No longer could she feel her eyes filling up like rivers during heavy rains, overflowing because of the great mass of water, no longer she felt the tears running down her cheeks. No longer she felt sharp stabs at soft, delicate skin, no longer she felt the warm drops that painted with red and reminded her of lives that she once lived. 

She embraced the darkness in a vain attempt to stay sane. Breaking out of this cell could wait

**Author's Note:**

> i'm posting a bit too much but don't worry, i'll disappear again for a year or so  
> anyways, what is up with me and the no dialogue stuff, idk, hope it's entertaining though


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